Father, Help Your Daughter!

Aaaaahh. I'm finally caving in to peer pressure and creating a blog, and, surprisingly enough, I think I may have discovered my own little niche. Come to find out, I'm pretty unique???!!! Some might even say I'm queer. Well, by golly I am, so that's just fine with me! (-: In this first post, I want to lay the foundation for what I hope will be a forum for me to make my friends and anyone else that comes across this blog laugh a little, think a little, and perhaps listen to me rant a little should the need arise--which of course it will in the day to day of ONE RIGHTEOUS DYKE. Yep, that's me. My new superhero-esque moniker.....

You may be wondering what the hecht is up with the name of my blog? "Father, Help Your Daughter"....You might say, "Well that's a queer name if I ever heard one." But....as you will see...it fits. (-: Just keep your pants on for a bit and I'll tell ya soon enough.

First, I must give you a brief synopsis of my life thus far to prove to you that I am qualified to carry the title One Righteous Dyke. You see, one bright and sunny morning in September, 1977 I was born at the Baptist Children's Home in Valparaiso, Indiana. Two weeks later I was adopted into the family of a Baptist pastor and his wife. I was promptly "dedicated" at Calvary Baptist Church and faithfully attended Sunday School, Sunday morning church, Sunday night church, Wednesday night church, Vacation Bible School, church camp, church kid's club, and any other church related function from my diaper days all the way through somewhere around my sophomore year of college....Along the way I attended Calvary Christian School, Harford Christian School, Arlington Baptist School, Christian School of Southern York County, Canaan Christian Academy, The Baptist High School, Baptist Bible College, and finally Grove City College (a Presbyterian school) before heading out into the "real world." During my school years, my dad pastored 4 different Baptist churches and is currently on his 5th. Are you starting to see a theme here? I know my Baptists! (-: I know my fundamentalists too! And those "compassionate conservatives"...well they were my childhood idols! Word has it, I fell asleep with a flag in my hand watching the Republican Convention when I was less than 10 yrs old. Go Reagan!

I came from one of those families that are so uber-strict that they're almost a little scary to the outside world--no dancing, drinking, "secular music", limited TV if at all, no socializing with the "unsaved" or participating in anything that might be somehow construed as "worldly". Where the man is the "head of the household" and the women wear modest skirts, try to compete to see who can make the most tasty casserole for the church potluck and come up with the most creative Sunday school craft for the little kiddies who will someday grow up to carry the fundy torch on to the next generation. Seems so strange now, but when that's all you know....that's just the way it is. I once won a prize for being able to say all the books of the Bible in order faster than anyone else. And I was proud. Still am actually, but that's beside the point.

Life was "heavenly" and I was well on my way to becoming Mrs.-June-Cleaver-Christian-Homemaker-Republican-Jerry Fallwell II but life had different plans for me. It all started with a pesky little crush I developed when I was about 15...on my choir teacher....who was female. Yikes! What was a girl like me to do with that?!!! Loooooooong story short, after years of tough mental grappling with the "oh my goodness gracious I think I may just be one of those homosexuals" issue, a bit of therapy, much reading, a few tears, and then an ecstatic realization that for goodness sakes God must have made me this way and I'm A-OK!!!.....I find myself having turned into a liberal, feminist dyke instead. And one who is happier than she's ever been in her life. (Shout out to my AMAZING girlfriend Christie and all of my awesome friends!!!)

I still, however, have not cut all ties to my ultra-conservative past. You see, out of college I needed this little thing called money and come to find out, you usually have to get a job to get money. Someone in my dad's church who knew me and that I was jobless brought me into their company and got me a job! It was supposed to be a temporary thing, but they kept giving me raises and bonuses and nearly 4 years later I'm still there trying to pay off school bills and build a life that's moving forward and such. What kind of company you may ask? Well, technically, it's a "wholesale Christian book publisher and distributor." What that means is that Christian bookstores all over the world get the product that they carry on their shelves from us. So this is where I find myself today. Unable to escape from the clutches of the vastly cast net that is the conservative Christian community in which I grew up. Only now, I'm caught in the part of the net that is the bedrock of the money that drives the Christian community in the world today--where Bible-believing consumers will buy ANYTHING that is labeled "Christian." Seriously ANYTHING. The "Jesus fish" thingys that you see on cars, candy stamped with a Bible verse, mugs emblazoned with a cross, t-shirts, cards, calendars, journals, artwork, notepads, pencils, pens, music, Bibles and thousands upon thousands of mostly mind numbingly similar books and various other products. I talk to and work with fanatical people all day long, and I mostly find it incredibly ironic that they have a big 'ol dyke working for and with them--and yes...I am "out" to the majority of the people that I work with (ok, not management, but I'm making progress...) (-:

Sometimes I feel a little guilty about working where I work and knowing that what I sell sometimes contradicts my own personal beliefs, but the paycheck they give me has kept me there until something better comes along. A little surprise along the way has been the difference I have been able to make by coming out to some of the people I work with. By opening up about myself, I found that one of my coworkers has a son who is gay but never wanted to talk about him at work for fear that people would condemn her because she loves him so much. Another shared, when I came out to her, that she had a gay brother who died of AIDS in the early 80's, and she has always felt guilty about not trying to understand him better. One older lady who I had become friends with and came out to, doesn't quite understand it all and isn't quite sure what God thinks of me, but she asks me honest questions all the time, and our friendship has opened up quite a dialogue. It's quite remarkable actually. But the purpose of my blog isn't to get too serious that often. That's just background information. Being who I am in the places that I am often allows me to see and hear things that are just too damn funny to keep to myself. People are insanely weird--sometimes to the point of being a bit scary--and the phenomenon seems to be a bit more prevalent in the world of the Christian fundamentalists. I find that by laughing at them, I can most often keep myself from being somewhat frightened by their strange ways. Sometimes they make me a little angry too...or a lot angry....but laughing about it seems to help that too....so that's what I'm here to do. Laugh about the situation in which I find myself.

So...about the title of my blog. I have a coworker who, every time she is having difficulty with a customer on the phone or with figuring something out, will put her phone on mute, raise her hands in the air and shout a plea to God for the whole office to hear. Her battle cry is "Father, help your daughter!" The first time I heard it, I had trouble not falling on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter and after sharing the vignette with my friends and making them laugh so hard they snorted, I decided it would be the perfect title for my blog. After all, I need help too, gosh darn it! So...I say to you now "Father, Help Your Daughter". One Righteous Dyke is in da house and on a mission! May hilarity ensue!

(hopefully my next posts won't be so dang long!) (-:

Stay tuned for the first "real" installment of my blog where you will hear about one of my customers who buys communion wafers from us to give to her young son as a snack! (-: Praise be to God!