Father, Help Your Daughter!

hmmm....guess I'm a mad blog poster today, but I wanna get started on the good stuff.

Characters which may appear in my blog....

Andrea-Well Andrea is my lifeline. We both went to Grove City, we both work together, and I swear to God our mothers are cut from the exact same mold. It's scary sometimes. She's an intelligent, caring, and downright funny girl without whom I probably wouldn't have survived my work environment. She's gonna help me brainstorm on the stories and collect material. lol

Christie-She's my girlfriend. I love her to death and my life is a million times better just because she's in it! She is witty and funny and sweet and loving and....well....she's just so damn cute! (-: Don't know what I'd do without her.

Kim-Kim is such an awesome friend. She's one of the best listeners in the world and she gives the best advice ever. We all talked for 4 hours last night about how cool it is to have such a close group of friends like we have that have become like family--better than family. I couldn't agree more with all we discussed!

Ethan-What can I say about Ethan except that he's the most fabulous boy I know. And behind that party boy exterior, he's the biggest sweetheart ever.

Now onto the good stuff...A brief disclaimer: some of the stories and situations which I will recount may not have happened directly to me, but to my coworkers as well. However, for the sake of story-telling, I may tell them as if they happened to me. Some dialogue may be a bit embellished as well, mostly because I don't remember exactly what was said but I want you to get the gist of it...

Communion Wafers:
Here at the Christian Distributor, we sell many items to assist churches in administering communion to their parishioners. We have serving trays and special squeeze bottles to fill tiny communion cups and we have disposable mini cups and how to manuals and on and on and on...We even have a "pre-made" communion set that comes with a little plastic cup of grape juice that comes with a wafer sealed onto the top of it--kind of like "take out body of Christ"....the problem is that those little fuckers spoil after about 3 months....we're ALWAYS getting calls about people that get fermented "blood" or stale "body"....oops.

Communion breads sold by themselves, however, come in many different forms. You can get these hard little squares that taste like floury cardboard, or soft squares that are like tasteless bread. Or you can go the traditional route and get the communion wafers--little round disks that have a cross pressed into the top of them and are basically melt in your mouth styrofoam that tastes like....well....melt in your mouth styrofoam. They come in boxes of 1,000, so you're pretty good to go for a bunch of communion ceremonies if you get a couple.

Personally, most of the churches I went to used the little hard squares....or....if they were over budget, broken up crackers or wonder bread. It's the symbolism that's important I guess...not what you actually use. One church I went to ran out of grape juice and, since wine (it's got alcohol and that's a sin) was out of the question, they mixed up a batch of grape Kool-Aid for the drink part.

Back to the wafers...well, I'll just share a little story from the other day...
*phone rings*
Me: Good afternoon, this is Christian Distributors (name has been changed to protect my identity lol). How can I help you?
Customer: I need to buy a whole bunch of those communion wafers.
Me: Ok. How many do you need?
Customer: Well, you might as well just give me a whole case. I've got people buying them left and right.
Me: Oh. There must be a lot of churches in your area holding communion services.
Customer: No. That's not it at all. I have a lady that comes in and buys boxes of them at a time. It's like her favorite snack or something. She just likes to eat them as food.
Me: You mean she just sits down and eats a box of 1,000 communion wafers at a time?
Customer: Yes. Exactly. You've got it now. I also have another customer who buys them to give to her 3 year old son as a snack. He really likes them.
Me: *feeling slightly frightened* ummmmm ok....we'll get those right out for ya....wouldn't want him to starve or anything.

Me thinking: *nothing like serving up the body of Christ as a tasty afternoon snack* That kid is going to need some SERIOUS therapy when he grows up. And the lady that eats boxes at a time....well, she's obviously not on the Atkins diet, but I bet ya she's pretty darn holy by now! * Yikes! People are SO weird.