Father, Help Your Daughter!

I'm a little bummed today. Not for myself really, but for my girlfriend who is just having a totally shitty day. It's so weird when you love someone so much and you see them hurting and you can't do a damn thing to fix it. I know I know...it's not my responsibility to "fix" it....it sucks not to be able to fly in like a superhero and make it all better, though. I hate seeing someone I love upset....especially when they're not even around for me to hug. Blah! That's my mini-rant.

I'm not feeling very creative today. So....I thought I'd do more of the book title thing....I just looked through the catalog and picked out a few things for ya. I've found that they fit into pretty much 4 categories.

*note: none of these titles are fictional books...I repeat: all are non-fiction books.

TITLES THAT SCARE ME:

STD’s: Sexually Transmitted Deceptions
well, okay then....?????
All You Need is a Good Brainwashing
sorry. that's already been tried...I'm not game for any more "brainwashing"
Harassing the Hosts of Hell
Jezebel: Seducing Goddess of War
Get in the Birth Position
yikes
PMS: Power, Money, and Sex

TITLES THAT MAKE ME SAY HUH????:

It’s Time Now to Break Your Box
Cover Us Daddy So the Wrong Fires Won’t Start
Dropping Your Rock
How to Behave in a Cave
Never Mess with a Man Who Came Out of a Cave
how about just "never mess with a man" lol (-;
Sex: More Than a Plumbing Lesson
there is just something about that title that makes me cringe every damn time
Church on a Rockin’ Oxen
I’m Too Fat For the Yoke
Satan Sang a Song and the Church Danced
Are You Under Attack or On the Attack
maybe we should ask that question of Dubya!
The Power of the Towel
yes...my towel is very powerful. lol
Gather the Leftovers—There is Life in Them
Dirt Digging Days are Over
Don’t Kick the Donkey
ok. I won't.
Lord Take My Problems but Leave My Pigs
ANYTHING BUT THE PIGS! TAKE ANYTHING BUT THE PIGS!!! ???????
Seven Ducks in a Muddy Pond
Sister, Thy Brother is Seated
Grasshoppers Don’t Eat Grapes
I’m Short But I’m Making a Comeback
I’m Getting My Bread
I Can Hop I Just Can’t Stop
Little Pot of Oil
how about just a little pot? is that what you had when you wrote this book?
Eight Ways to Keep the Devil Under Your Feet

TITLES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH:

Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry
(this book is by a woman) woot woot!!! girls kissin' girls. lol Except that's totally not what the book is about...I think the author totally missed the connotation, but hey....it works for me. lol
Naked and Not Ashamed
christian nudists perhaps???
Pokemon and Harry Potter: A Fatal Attraction
yes, the "evil" Pokemon and Harry Potter...they will warp the minds of your precious children....paaaahhhhhlease!
Exquisite Agony
a little bit o' S&M anyone??? yikes! (maybe this should be under the "scares me" category)
Sacred Sex
sheesh....they're obssessed!!!!
The Tongue--A Creative Force
why yes....yes it is!
Living Clean in a Dirty World
Daily Passion
I'm down with THAT! (-;


BOOKS THAT PISS ME OFF:

Be Intolerant
yeah that's JUST what those fundamentalists need! to be MORE intolerant!!!
The Faith of George W. Bush
my friend Kim had suggested a subtitle for this:
"My God's better than your God. World domination in 5 easy steps."
made laugh a lot (-;
or
"How to be a cokehead and still get to heaven" lol
Liberated Through Submission
this book is about how women should submit to men....a bit archaic, don't ya think?
Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality
need I say more???? Fuckers! How many little kids are gonna be emotionally screwed up by what their parent's do with THIS book?!
Power of Femininity
this says women need to be feminine....um yeah....guess that leave me out. lol
Redeemed From Poverty and Sickness
Here ya go...this one tells ya that if you're sick or poor you don't believe in God enough....you just need to have more faith and it'll all be peachy....SO wrong!!!
Redefining the Strong Willed Woman
again....submit to men submit to men submit to men
George W. Bush on God and Country
...and he didn't even write it himself *shock*
The Biblical Approach to Spanking
what is THIS?! a "Biblical" approach to child abuse?

Aaaaahhh....havin' a pretty slow day here...had a few funny calls, though.

FREAKY CALL:

Customer: Do you have a book called "The Mark of the New World Order Big Book of the Beast--Implantable Bio-Chip Technology"?

Me: Nope. (Yikes!)

FUNNY CALL:

Customer: (in the process of placing an order) I'll have this item number xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Me: (repeating back the title) You Are Someone Special.

Customer: I know I am. Thank you. You're someone special too.

Me: Why thank you!

lol....People are SO weird!