Father, Help Your Daughter!

Sheesh. I've been SO busy today. I don't know what they think they're doing here making me actually work and all. Don't they know I have better things to do like write my blog? I told you they were crazy!

So....don't you HATE it when you get a really stupid song stuck in your head that just WON'T leave. Well, all this thinking about my past and all had me thinking about some funny things to share...unfortunately....one of them involved a song--that is now driving me NUTS!

Every year through elementary school and junior high I spent a week out of my summer away at a Christian camp called River Valley Ranch. It wasn't all bad...we got to ride horses and go to a rodeo and swim and everything....all in modest length shorts or coullottes (I don't even know how to spell that) and one piece bathing suits, of course. If I remember correctly, there were separate boy and girl swimming times. Ya just never know what might happen if a boy 8 year old sees a girl 8 year olds knees! Anyway....We had Bible Round-Up or something like that every morning and night where they'd have guest speakers that would come in and scare the shit out of us by telling us that Jesus was coming back "tonight" and we better give our hearts to Him and be ready or else burn in hell for eternity where there will be demons torturing you and gnashing of teeth and screams and impenetrable darkness and such..... and they taught us all these crazy songs that we would belt out at the top of our lungs somehow hoping that maybe if we sang as loud as possible we'd scare away the demons. The one that sticks out the most...the one that's stuck in my head at the moment was a classic:

Smoking, drinking, fist fights and dirty talk
They all make you walk the dirty walk
Smoking, drinking, fist fights and dirty talk
Jesus said NO NO don't do it!
Walk, walk, walk the Bible way
Read your Bible daily
Don't forget to pray
Walk, walk, walk the Bible way
Read your Bible every daaaa---aaaaa--aaaay!

Ugggghhh...So that's been torturing me today. Father help your daughter to get that song out of my head!!!! Still, though...I figure I'm pretty good....I don't smoke, I don't fist fight, only minimal drinking and dirty talk and I at least SELL a Bible a day....so that has to count for something. I don't want Jesus to say NO NO to me. (ooohhh...sacrilege)

In work news, though, I thought I would share some titles of books that we sell that disturb me:

A Lova Like No Otha
Yes. it really IS spelled like that....now what exactly might this book refer to? I'll let you decide.
How to Love a Black Man
I always assumed it was the same way you loved anyone else....but I guess not if you're a fundamentalist Christian
When I'm on My Knees
Guess it depends on who you are as to what you do when you're down there
Conspiracy to Destroy Black Boys
??????
I Went to Hell
Why????
What in Hell Do You Want?
exactly what I was thinking of saying when I picked up the phone to talk to you asshat
Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord
well there's an awkward threesome
Famous Lovers in the Bible
don't they know that sex is a sin???
Holy Sex
no. I'm not kidding.
Sex Has a Price Tag
I don't know about you, but I don't personally pay for sex...however...if you're Jerry Fallwell or something I can see how you might need to

Aaaaahhhh....there are so many more. I will be sharing them as I think of them or come across them, but for now I must sign off. I never cease to be amazed, though....