Father, Help Your Daughter!

And just one more...because I tend to use a bit of profanity in my blog, I'm going to I'm gonna use Margaret Cho again to explain--I thought what she had to say about being "on the fringes of polite society" to be very interesting. (from her blog conversation with another of her readers)

1/23/2004
Potty Mouth

> ----- Original Message -----
> Subject: Potty Mouth
>
> Although we are two very
> different women, I agree
> with much of what you have
> to say. I must admit I am
> more conservative. What
> I don't understand is why
> must you write using so much
> profanity? I'm not talking about
> the occasional "fuck" sprinkled
> here and there.

That would be okay, perhaps with a disclaimer like "Excuse my French" attached to it or something. I know. I had a friend who was a Franciscan Monk who was always gossiping about his fellow monks that he shared his monastery with, and he would call them 'a fucking asshole' but not with his voice, just breathing it, mouthing the words, so as not to actually say the word, but to imply it as much as he could.

> I think you alienate a lot of
> people who don't like to read
> or hear that kind of language.

That is too bad. You know, I would very much chalk it up to habit, and really not hearing the word as obscene but more like punctuation. When you live on the fringes of polite society, the rules shift, whereas we are not so bound to language. It means less, as we have come to believe that we mean less. It's hard to understand if you never lived where I have, or plunged into the kind of culture that I have immersed myself in. When you don't belong in polite society, what reason have you to be polite? I actually rarely use what is termed as profanity in my day to day speech, but my writing and performance style is different. My voice as a writer comes from an interior dictator, as opposed to an interior decorator. Perhaps if the language I use is bothersome, then the idea that you live in another world where privilege and pride are common things, not something that is feigned and squeezed into like an ill fitting dress is what actually upsets you. But if you hold many of the same opinions I do, is it impossible to accept that someone who speaks differently could still be heard?


> You use the term
> "motherfucker" so much.
> Is that really necessary?

Actually, it is "Muthafucka" - but we don't need to go there, it is all semantics.


> Do you really want
> to fuck your mother?


Oh goodness, of course not. But that is not what muthafucka means. In my world, muthafucka is a word of strength, with negative and positive connotations, without the actual sex act nor maternal implications. Mother and fucking have nothing to do with muthafucka. Muthafucka is a word of war, peace, glory, hatred. It is as common as a comma, it is not taken literally, ever. Ever.


> I am mortified to even
> be writing these words;
> they look and sound so
> ugly to me.


That is sad. I am sorry for you. The world can be an ugly place, and if this is what makes it ugly, than I can't imagine what else causes you pain.

> Is all this foul language
> necessary to "keep it real"?

Well, yes and no. You really don't put in words to keep anything real. I believe that it is real if it is real. I don't know how to keep anything real, because why keep it real if it has to be kept? Real is real.

> I don't think it's real, any
> more than so-called "reality
> television" is real.


You are certainly right about that!

> In my opinion, keeping it
> real involves making
> well-written, well thought-out
> statements that reflect a
> person's point of view.

Yes, you are right again.

> If this potty-mouth is only
> so much window dressing
> then your messageis being
> drowned out by it.


That would be for the people who are like you, not everyone who reads or listens to my work. I haven't thought of my words like window dressing, because I don't think of anything when I write. I simply think that what flows onto the page is what is supposed to be there, but then that is out of my hands once it is given to the reader. Potty mouth is something of an immature dismissal of my work as an artist and an activist, so that is what I see as foul language.

> If that's really what you
> hear in your mind, maybe
> you should clear out the static.


But it isn't static to me, nor is it to many people, but then again, it is all a matter of taste. It isn't to be judged, more just taken at face value, or not.


> You seem like a nice person,
> but if that's the way you
> really talk I could never
> have a conversation with you.

But it isn't the way I talk all the time, just the way I write sometimes. And see, we just had a fine conversation. You are super nice too, and I will remember your advice in the future. Not that I will adhere to it, but I will remember.


Best,
Margaret Cho

> Beth
> Charlotte, North Carolina

> (Yes, I am a Southerner.
> So I believe in manners
> and courtesy, so sue me!)


(Oh Beth, you are such a cut up!)