Father, Help Your Daughter!

Natalie Dee is cool...thanks Kim for the links.

Tryin' my hand at this whole html/putting pictures into my blog thing. Yay. It worked. Thanks once more Kim.

Soooo....in addition to looking at random cartoons on the net, I've been keeping to my regular schedule of mind numbingly boring but insanely busy days at work followed by nights of doing not much but sitting on my ass in front of the TV and playing with my dog Abby. I've been feeling really guilty lately about not accomplishing much outside of work. Christie and I are talking about joining a gym together next month and I want to do that (we want to look hot in our wedding duds)...I'm just hoping I can stick to it. Since we can't really get there at the same time most days due to work schedules, I'm hoping that I won't get bored after 2 months like last time and just stop going. I don't really know what happened to me. I mean...I'm responsible and clean up after myself in general and pay the bills on time and maintain good relationships with my friends (at least my new ones that still like me even though I'm a homo) and my girlfriend and all but I used to be such an overachiever in every area of my life. I don't know what what changed or when I turned into a bit of a slacker but it makes me a bit disappointed in myself that I did. My apartment could use so much work...need to get rid of a hell of a lot of clutter but instead of doing it, I sit there and watch "Clean Sweep" on TV and watch other people do it to their houses. Nearly all my college friends have masters degrees or are working on PhDs and here I sit...still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. I need to come out to my parents so I can move the hell on with my life. Most days I can convince myself that I'm generally a success in life so far, but some days it gets to me and I feel like a loser. My theory on this is that I spent so much of my life trying to live up to other peoples' version of me--what they thought would make a good "me".....goes to church....gets good grades.....what my parents think of me blah blah blah....and now that I no longer define myself by my religiosity and I'm no longer in school and no matter what I do my parent's won't think of me as a "good daughter" just becuase I like girls....The subculture that I grew up in sets you up not to think for yourself --to define your worth by a generally legalistic set of standards. I must admit that while I may flounder a bit at times, I am proud of myself for breaking away from all that. I guess I'm just carving out my own space in the world and learning about who I REALLY am. I'm trying to learn what makes me feel confident about myself and how to live the way I want live instead of by everyone else's standards. Guess it's a bit of a rocky road at times and is just one o' those days. I'll probably be fine tomorrow. Laa dee dah. I think I need to go listen to some Alix Olson. (-: